Tuesday, July 24, 2012

She Will Make a Fool of You All

I have way less self confidence then I will ever admit. I second guess my choices all the time. I'm way shy cause I'm terrified that someone wont like me because of who I really am. So if there is one good thing that has come out of my husband being deployed and living clear across the country from everyone that I know and being TOTALLY alone it would be that I have learned to love who I am and be confident in myself.

 I have learned to take care of not only myself but two other little individuals. If something a little crazy happens I know that I will be able to handle it. I believe in myself now. I make choices for myself without having to call my mom or my sister. I TRUST my choices.

I gotta say it feels SO good. I feel like I have finally grown up! Although I am still pretty shy but I am a million times better than I was.

I know I still have a lot to work on but I have come a long way.
I really hope that I am able to teach my girls to be confident and love who they are. I hope they are independent and don't feel like they have to have a man to lean on and take care of them. Of course I want them to meet the man of their dreams and get married and live happily ever after, I just hope that they will always have that reassurance that if anything happened they know they could take care of themselves.
 Hello I have been married since I was 17. I have had 2 jobs in my life that lasted about a month each.   I have always had someone taking care of me. Every now and then I think what if something happened where I was the one who had to go out and bring in the money to take care of my family? At first it absolutely terrified me. I wouldn't even know what to do, where to start. But I have become more and more confident in myself that maybe just maybe I could do it if I really tried. But it makes me very very thankful to have a husband who works his booty off so I don't have to do that.
I don't want to feel like I depend on my husband for everything. I have started becoming my own person and I like it. I really want to go back to school some day. Who knows when that will happen though. I like having babies to much.
I must say one of the best boost of self confidence is knowing a lot of people said I couldn't do it on my own and proving them wrong. We are 9 months in and I'm still kicking and so are my kids!
Well that's my random post for the day. WOO.


Kelli said...

You are amazing! I am totally impressed that you are away from everyone taking care of you and your beautiful girls by yourself! I know I would have run home as soon as I could if Mike wasn't around to help me! You are one brave lady!

Our Family of Four said...

i know this makes me sound like a huge creeper- but we could be really good friends! cause we are seriously so much alike!
moving here was SO. FREAKING. HARD. and Mike left after like, 5 months here. and i was alone and terrified. it took me forever to make friends here. and now Mike has been away for like a year and half of the 2.5 years we've been here, and i have become so independent and i never, ever used to be. It's amazing how we learn to adapt! hang in there girl, cause you are rockin' this deployment!

*ahem, sorry for the novel! ha.

Optimistic Liz said...

Your doing awesome girl! That's one of the best parts of deployments is learning more about yourself.

Our Jarvis Jive said...

I have tried to put myself in your place before. Jeremy is active duty but he hasn't deployed in the four years he has been in, he's got two more, so who knows? But I really don't know what I'd do, I get freaked out staying one night alone in my house ha ha. I would hope that I wouldn't have to move home because of my paranoia, but I just wanted to say that you are such a great example, for reals. :)

Amanda said...

That makes me feel a lot less creepy cause I say this everytime I read something of yours! Now if we could just end up at the same base somehow. Thank you for all your sweet comments they help more than you realize!

Amanda said...

Thank you so much! I didn't think I would get this far either.. its amazing what you find out about yourself when put in tough situations. I hope and pray Jeremy never has to deploy but if he ever does I know you could do it!

Amanda said...

That makes me feel a lot less creepy cause I say this everytime I read something of yours! Now if we could just end up at the same base somehow. Thank you for all your sweet comments they help more than you realize!

Natti said...

I love your posts. You are one hell of a woman, lady! I keep reading about how people doubted you and I'm just in shock. One, that's just down right mean to not support you and your family and Two to even doubt your strength, who are they and what do they know?! I've always had faith in you and I knew you could do this. You're stronger than you know or give yourself credit for (you had a baby at 17 which just proves my point more, cause we both know that's not easy) Thanks for being my inspiration this last year. I'm so excited for you girls! And I can't wait to see you all in November!

Ogacha Theresa said...

I think you are amazing, it takes a lot to do what you have done and you deserve so much credit for that. It also takes a lot of courage to admit that you have been dependent on others thus far, I can relate to that all too well. At times I beat myself up about it, but reading this put things into perspective for me. Nonetheless being a Mom is a job of its own, and from what I can see you are doing amazing. You have 2 beautiful gorgeous gorgeous girls who look happy and healthy, it takes a strong man to provide for his family the way your husband has for you. And at the end of the day that is what makes a family... you guys are awesome and I strive for mine to be like yours. XOXO