Friday, March 18, 2011


This is how the past couple weeks have been for me-


and when I get lucky


Its been a pretty crappy couple of weeks, and I feel even more sorry for Ellie cause she has a momma that just lays there on the couch all day and twitches every so often. Ardie is usually pretty good company for her sometimes, when they aren't stealing each others toys or Ellie isn't trying to squeeze his head off.
I'm totally going to make up for it as soon as I start feeling better, I swear.
I feel like the stinkiest momma ever.

But other than that Ellie seems pretty excited about it all. Every so often she squeals at the top of her lungs and says, "MOMMY IS HAVING A BABY!"

She defiantly needs a sibling. She hates playing alone. I'm so excited just to give her a little brother or sister. I'm excited for all the little shenanigans they will get into together. Having brothers and sisters is the best.

So far, this pregnancy has been nothing like my last. I puked a lot with my last pregnancy but I don't remember feeling nauseous ALL day EVERY day like I do now.

I literally can smell anything and everything, and I really hate the smell of our apartment. I can hardly even go in the kitchen. Ellie has terrible breath, I make her brush her teeth all the time. I want to punt Ardie every time he gets close to me. Obviously I'm not very loving right now.

That's another thing with this pregnancy, HOLY Miss Grumpy Pants. I even asked Jordon if I was grumpy with my last pregnancy and he said that he can't remember, which means I wasn't because he would totally remember something like that.

If Jordon and Ellie still love me after this it will be a miracle.

My cravings have been really weird. I will crave something until I get it and then as soon as I eat it I will never want to eat it again. Once I ate like six pickles, defiantly wont be eating those for awhile those things hurt coming back up :S. I was craving burnt pizza once but couldn't eat the cheese and sauce so all I ate was the crust. Salt & vinegar chips, hot dog, root beer, potatoes potatoes potatoes, I don't even know what else its been very random. I cannot stand Italian food, or any type of salad dressing. Which completely sucks for me because Jordon is a ranch-a-holic. He isn't allowed to get close to me whenever he eats it. Tomato sauce and cheese has been the most repulsive combo to me. I sure hope it doesn't stay like this!

But lately I have been doing a little better and have been able to actually get off the couch. Lately its been more puking that nausea, which is totally ok with me, it feels a lot better.

I had my first doctors appointment on Tuesday. With Tri-care we have to be 'referred' to a doctor first and if we don't like that doctor we have to go through the whole referral process again. LAME. But good news is is that so far I like this doctor's office. It's the office for only Fort Drum. They have midwives and ob/gyn, but they only let you go to the ob/gyn if your high risk, which I'm totally ok with cause I want to go to a midwife. The midwife they sent me to is the 'head midwife' I guess. He is in the military. (Does anyone else think that's totally weird?) So he was all in uniform and what not, and I have to call him Major instead of Doctor... weird. I don't know if I will ever get the hang of this military stuff. ANYWAYS geeze I'm totally rambling. Sooo he was a pretty nice guy, a little ok A LOT on the weird side, but super nice! He is also being stationed somewhere else in July so I will be getting a different doctor anyways.

I got to see the little peanut in my belly! It was a super short ultrasound but fun. At first the babes was sleepin away and the Doctor shook my belly like crazy and the lil nugget rolled over and stretched out his itty bitty legs and went back to sleep. The doctor said it's probably a boy since he is so lazy!

Oh p.s Jordon is in Virginia right now so me and Ellie had to go on this little adventure on our own. So Ellie was strapped in her stroller through the whole appointment. It was pretty awesome as soon as we got in the room there were nursing pictures ALL over the room. So Ellie had lots of questions. No worries I was totally mature about the whole thing. Luckily I had my phone and let her play games on it to keep her distracted.

 If you have ever had a baby you know all the fun stuff you get to do at your first appointment. Well while in the middle of my PAP SMEAR Ellie yells out, "MOMMY MOMMY I HAVE TO PEE!" Yeah, its not like I could just jump up and take her to the bathroom in my sweet paper robe that opened in the front. So I just keep telling her, "Please try and hold it baby, you just gotta hold it for a bit."

No go. During the whole thing she was yelling out, "Mommy I'm gonna pee! Mommy I can't hold it. Mommy I just peed!" Yeah. She peed her pants in the middle of my pap smear. Totally awesome.

Well I'm 12 weeks pregnant and my due date is September 30th! WOO! Hopefully this baby will be rad and stick close to that date so Daddy can be with us longer! Its so amazing to see that there really is a baby in there and your not miserable for nothing! I think I finally believe I'm pregnant now :)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


I love Ellie Ruth like crazy. It's a love I defiantly cannot describe, all that I know is whenever I think about it my heart feels like its going to burst out of my chest, but at the same time there is a fear in the back of my head that I might do something wrong in raising her. She knows how to push every single one of my buttons but in the same sentence make me sigh, scoop her up and cover her in kisses.
She is so big now.
She really is her own person.
I can't just dangle something in front of her face to keep her preoccupied for a bit.
She can actually hold a real conversation with you.
She has her own interests, her own likes/dislikes.
She notices EVERYTHING, remembers EVERYTHING, and everything influences her.
She's a child, not a baby.
Its crazy, the transition of raising a baby to a child. It's a whole different ball game.
Since we have moved here we have either been to busy to even breathe or I have been insanely sick, and mommy and Ellie time has defiantly been pushed aside. It's breaking my heart. Since we have lived here I have sort of felt like I'm in limbo. I'm still trying to process everything and figuring out how I'm going to let it affect me. (Does that make sense?)
I can only imagine how it has really been affecting Ellie. She went with out her daddy for seven months and then got taken away from everything that she knew and moved to a strange place she has never been to clear across the country. Now her momma is having another baby and is going to have to learn how to share the attention. I defiantly feel like we explained everything to her good and talked to her about everything all the time.
Don't get me wrong she is a happy girl, I just worry about should I be doing more? I just want to make sure I'm doing everything that she needs me to be doing.
She always puts a smile on my face and she defiantly has the best personality ever!
Today she was coloring on the bottom of her toes and she said Look mom I drew boobs! They didn't really look like boobs, and yes, Ellie has a thing about boobs and literally dreams about having them one day. She just thought it was the most hilarious thing that she made her toes have boobs. I don't really know how I should process this so I'm just going to shrug it off and laugh.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

All Natural

I think I have been getting a little ahead of myself with this pregnancy...
I basically have everything planned out and I haven't even been to a doctor yet. When I was pregnant with Ellie I didn't plan anything, and I defiantly didn't look up to see what my options where about giving birth. So since I found out I was pregnant I have been looking up anything and everything about giving birth. I watched a few documentaries that I probably shouldn't have... Have any of you seen The Business Of Being Born? If your planning on having a fully medicated hospital birth you probably shouldn't watch it.
Since watching those documentaries and doing lots of research I have decided that I really want to go to a midwife. I never really knew the difference between a midwife and ob/gyn all I knew was that they weren't really 'Doctors' and that right there turned me off. But I have finally educated myself and have felt like this would be the best decision.
Now I just need to find one. I absolutely hate finding new Doctors or Dentist or anything like that. Especially since I don't know anyone here and can't get any recommendations. Jordon has been trying to ask around at work but has come up pretty empty handed.
Giving birth is such an amazing experience and I just want to try and get the most out of it as I can.   Now I know everything doesn't go according to plan. Trust me, I know. But it doesn't hurt to have one. One thing that I defiantly want to try to avoid is being induced, unless of course it's a matter of life and death.
Is it totally crazy of me to be super excited to give birth again?
Ellie's birth went pretty stinkin' good, ya know besides the whole almost bleeding to death thing.. She was healthy, I didn't have to have any crazy interventions, I went into labor on my own. The only thing was that I had to get an episiotomy and I defiantly want to try and avoid that this time around. That was seriously the most painful part, and it made my recovery 100 times harder. Ick, thinking about that makes me not excited to give birth again..

Am I getting a little to carried away this early on? I don't know.. I'm just excited!
If anyone knows of some good places to get info on this type of stuff please let me know!

I really want some french fries and a chocolate frosty right now. That sounds sooo good.