Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Go Figure.

So basically, I got laid off. Friday is my last day of work. I kind of saw it coming cause they were way slow, I really don't understand why they hired me in the first place.
But yeah, I'm a little upset cause I was finally getting the hang of things and not crying myself to sleep everynight before work. Ha kidding...sort of.
I was really starting to like it. But what do ya do.. Maybe I'm not suppose to work after all. They told me if they start getting busy again then they want to hire me back but we will see.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

St. George

This past weekend Jordon Ellie and I went down to St. George to spend some time together as a family before Jordon leaves.
It was very much needed.
Thanks Moms and Dads for making it happen. We love you so much!
It was soooooo much fun. I got to see some of my old friends from school and catch up. It was really good to see them. My friend Samantha Beardall is a photographer an AMAZING one, and she took our family pictures while we were down there. She is such a sweetheart and has the cutest little baby girl ever. The pictures turned out amazing and I can't thank her enough for doing them. You have to go to her blog and see her work.
If you ever need and pictures taken she is your gal. I promise you wont be dissapointed.

Also while we were down there we took Ellie to see the new Shrek movie. She loved it! I thought for sure she would start to get antsy half way through the movie but she sat through the entire thing and watched it. She still talks about it. It was so much fun.

Other than that we just went swimming and relaxed. I had so much fun, I hope Jordon and Ellie enjoyed it as much as I did. When I actually lived in St. George I absolutely hated it, now I love it. Isn't that how it always is? Jordon doesn't like St. George very much, he hates the heat. He has to be around the snow. Which I'm not a big fan of. I think that is the one thing that me and Jordon completely disagree on.
I will put pictures up later I just wasn't in the mood to upload my camera!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

New Kid On The Block

Yet another goat has been born at the good ol' Kinsman orchard.
This is Gigi's new baby boy!
His name is either Gerald, or Arthur. Jordon is so indecisive.
He is pretty stinkin' cute..
We have a grand total of SIX goats!
Ha Jordon's parents love our guts.
Now... in two months. Who wants to buy one?!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Vacation Time

Before Jordon leaves we are going on a lil' trip to St. George this Saturday so we can spend some time together. My parents got us a condo. I am so excited! Who doesn't get excited for a vacation? Especially if you live with your parents, and are never, ever alone.


I hope this week goes by as fast as the last week.
BTW work is going good. Last week was my first week. It is very scary sometimes. But I work with some pretty nice dentists so they don't get to angry with me... Tomorrow I start my first twelve hour shift. Wish me luck cause I'm sure going to need it!

& Then Came Ellie

I have been debating whether I wanted to post this on my blog or not.  But since it was Mother's day recently I thought I should post the story of how I became a mother.
It's a long one, so be prepared. I don't exactly have a way with words, so I apologize in advance.

Ever since I was little I was so excited to become a mommy. Playing with baby dolls was my absolute favorite! I had a pretty awesome baby doll collection. If I recall correctly I asked for a baby doll every Christmas until I was in 7th grade.
I had everything planned out. I was going to go to college, get married around age 22 and have a baby at 24.
Of course the plan didn't pan out very well.
I met Jordon when I moved up to Tooele my sophomore year. Him and I were in the same math class. Thought he was amazingly gorgeous the moment I met him. He was the funniest guy ever, & for the first time I found myself looking forward to math class every day.  We started dating the summer after my sophomore year. I loved being around him. He always knew how to make me laugh, & he treated my how a girl should be treated. He was always respectful, not just of me but also my family. When we first started hanging out I was living with my sister, and my sister believed in very early curfews. Even when I told him, "eh it will be ok if I show up a couple minutes late." He always told me no and made me go home right on time every night.
When we first started dating I never in a million years thought anything would of come of it. Especially a baby, and a marriage.
But I am soo soo sooo thankful and blessed that it did.
When we first found out that I was pregnant it was march, a couple weeks after my 17 birthday. I was flipping threw my calender during class and noticed I was two weeks late.  I didn't think anything of it cause my body was always doing crazy things. But I thought to myself maybe I should take a test just so I wont worry about it. After class I found Jordon and whispered to him we needed to get a test. We ditched our next class and went to Walgreen's and I made him go in and buy one while I sat in the car. He kept saying to me, " Do you really think your pregnant?" I just kept telling him, "No way I just want to make sure." We went over to a friends house whose parents were gone. I went into the bathroom and did my business and set the test on the counter and walked out to Jordon. We waited our 3 minutes and walked back to the bathroom together. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion. I picked up the test and there were two little pink lines. I couldn't believe it. Jordon asked, "What do the two lines mean?" "I'm pregnant." I answered. He immediately took me in his arms and just held me for awhile. I didn't even know what to think. My parents are going to kill me, was the first thought that went through my mind. Jordon was just in shock. It didn't even feel real. There was no way I was pregnant, No Way. I was only seventeen. I couldn't be pregnant. Jordon and I took a drive and parked on the side of the road and everything started to sink in. That was the first time I have ever seen Jordon cry. We just held each other and cried and Jordon kept saying, "What are we going to do?" Jordon wanted to tell his parents right away. But I told him I didn't want to tell my parents cause I knew what they would do to me. So I made him promise not to tell his parents yet, not until I was ready.
That whole day we discussed everything, should we do adoption? should we keep it? what about abortion? To this day it still makes me sick that abortion was even brought up.
I told Jordon that there was no way that I could go through a pregnancy and then just hand my baby over to somebody else to raise. So adoption was out of the question. "I want to keep it." I told Jordon.
Jordon agreed with me. He told me that he would stand by me through this whole thing and never leave my side, and he never did.
When we found out, I couldn't help but feel excitement. Excited but scared to death. How was I going to do this? I never felt so scared in my life.
There were times where I just bawled and bawled and prayed that Heavenly Father would just take this baby back. I know now that this was meant to be, and Heavenly Father had a much better plan for us.

Shortly after we found out I was pregnant the nausea hit. I was puking my guts out constantly, and when I wasn't puking I just wanted to sleep. Fortunately for me I only threw up in school a couple times and I always made it to the bathroom. Jordon and I ditched class a lot, and we would just go and sleep.
Jordon was so sweet to me. I always threw up in front of him and he would just sit there and rub my back. Once I puked all over his drive way and he just got the hose and cleaned it up like it was nothing. He never acted like I completely grossed him out. Which I'm sure it did.
Months went by and we never told our parents. I am honestly surprised that my mom didn't find out sooner then she did cause I was always throwing up, and asking if I could stay home from school.
Around June I decided to go down to St. George and stay with my sister and babysit her kids for the summer. I finally stopped puking my guts out constantly. That was when I finally told someone in my family. I knew I was starting to show, I had to tell someone. So I told my sister.
You know when your little and you do something wrong and your parents make you go and tell someone your sorry and it just seems like the worse thing ever to say that word?
That's what it felt like but times a million.
I told her and she started crying immediately. She understood why I have been keeping it secret for so long and she told me, "I promise you are thinking its going to be way worse when you tell Mom and Dad then it really will be."
But I just couldn't bring myself to do it, not just yet.
I started to feel the baby kick in June and reality was sinking in even more.
Jordon came down to St. George for a while and we started getting a little more excited about it. We went and looked at baby stuff at all the stores. We even bought a little onesie, booties, and a baby blanket. We made a bet on what the baby was. We both thought it was a girl but I was nice and let Jordon say it was a girl and I went with a boy.

July rolled around and I defiantly had a belly. My mom started saying stuff like, "Amanda your putting on some weight, you almost look pregnant."
I wasn't going to be able to hide it for much longer.
I don't know why I wanted to keep it from our parents for so long. I think maybe it was cause I knew when I would tell them then it was true. I wouldn't be a kid anymore. I wouldn't be able to go snuggle up to my dad anymore and watch t.v with him, I wouldn't be my dad's little girl anymore.
My parents were starting to get suspicious and my dad called and asked what was going on with me. He said I have been acting differently. He said I could tell him what was going on and he would always love me no matter what. I couldn't do it though. That was my perfect moment to tell him and I just couldn't do it.

Towards the end of July I started bleeding. I was absolutely terrified. I wanted this baby now. I was ready to be a mom. I called Jordon and told him and he said, "I'm telling my parents we can't keep this secret any more, you have to go to the hospital." I was outside on my porch crying and my mom came up to me and said, "Amanda what's going on? It's time to tell me." She brought me inside and sat me down on the couch. "I am so sorry mom." I said. "I'm pregnant, and I started bleeding." She just sat there. So calm. She finally said, " This isn't what I wanted for you, but we just need to accept it and go from here."
She asked how far a long I was and I told her, she said she would make me a doctors appointment on Monday and she walked upstairs into her room, closed the door and went on her treadmill. I knew she was beyond furious cause my mom always exercises when she is mad and doesn't know what to do.

A couple minutes later Jordon called and said his parents wanted me to come over.
ugh, Now I had to see how his parents were going to react. I drove over there, scared but feeling soo good that it was finally out there. I knocked on Jordon's door and his little brother answered and said Jordon was in his parents room. I walked down their hall, everything feeling like it was in slow motion again, I was shaking so bad I'm surprised I actually made it to their room. I opened the door and everyone was crying. Jordon's mom came right up to me and hugged me. They took it extremely well, I thought. My sister was right we were thinking it was going to be way worse then it really was.
I ended up going to the Emergency Room that night. My mom who absolutely hates hospitals had to come because she had to sign all the papers for me. They asked me when my last period was and I told them. They said I was 24 weeks along and had to go up to labor and delivery because I was to far along.
I went into my room and changed into the hospital gown and laid in the bed. The nurse came in and hooked me up to a machine and there it was, my babies heartbeat. It was so amazing. Jordon came in and you could still hear it. "Is that the heartbeat?" Jordon asked. I told him yes. He looked to excited.

The nurse checked everything, told me my due date, November 23rd, and gave me a blood test. They said everything looked fine, and there was no need to worry. But I needed to go to the doctor as soon as I could.

While my mom was waiting in the hospital she asked me if I wanted to tell my dad or her. I said I wanted her to tell him. "He is going to be really hurt Amanda. He isn't going to like this," my mom told me.
She called him that night and told him. My mom said he freaked. He said that he wanted me to give it up for adoption and there was no way he was going to let me and Jordon get married.
When he came home from work he didn't talk to me. He wouldn't even look at me. He kept it that way for a week.

Things started getting better with my family. It felt so good to have everyone know. It felt like a huge weight was lifted.

Everyone kept telling us that the best thing for us to do was either get married or put the baby up for adoption. I wasn't putting the baby up for adoption, and I did not want to get married before I was 18.
But I did a lot of praying and I knew that getting married was what I needed to do.

We finally got our first ultra sound in August. Jordon my sister and my mother in law Jeri were all there for it. It was so amazing. Then they said it was girl no doubt about it. I thought Jeri was going to fall off of her chair.
We were finally able to really start being excited about this pregnancy.

When Jordon and I finally agreed on getting married I told him he had to ask my dad first. When Jordon asked for my Dad's blessing my dad told him no. I felt so bad for Jordon cause I know it took him a lot to do that.  Jordon proposed to me anyways, Jordon is very impatient and as soon as he got the ring he proposed to me as soon as he saw me which ended up being in my sisters drive way.
 We set the date for October 5. Let me just tell you how difficult it is to find a wedding dress when your 34 weeks pregnant. Ugh it was retarded. I ended up getting a dress that was 8 sizes bigger then I would normally wear with a corset back. After the wedding and the reception my poor belly was shaped all weird and I apologized to Ellie over and over for making her so guished.

I started getting ginormous and would literally bump into everything with my belly. I'm pretty sure I hit a couple of people walking by. I could never get out of the car by myself Jordon always had to pull me out. We started getting so anxious to finally have her. That last month of pregnancy is a killer. It feels like an eternity. I started sleeping constantly. I remember sleeping all day and Jordon finally came home from work and couldn't believe I was still in bed.
Subway sandwiches and french fries were heaven on earth when I was pregnant. mmm.. so was chuck-a-rama. Mexican always did me in and I would gag at even the mention of mexican food. Cafe Rio didn't even sound good while I was pregnant.

We were so excited to finally meet our baby that already has been through so much with us.
I went into labor thanksgiving night. I felt weird that whole day and knew it was coming.  My contractions were very constant and around 2 a.m I decided to go over to my parents and have my dad give me a blessing. We decided not to go to the hospital until the morning. My contractions stayed regular and we left for the hospital around noon. After hardly any sleep I was hoping for some relief when we got to the hospital.

They hooked me up to the monitors and checked my cervix. They said I was at a 2 1/2. I was pissed cause I was at a 2 at my last Doctors appointment a week ago. They said they would check me again in an hour and if I didn't progress then they were going to send me home. After that hour they checked me and I didn't progress so they sent me on home told me to take some Tylenol pm and get some rest. I was furious. I knew I was in labor. You could set your watch by my contractions.
But I took some Tylenol pm and tried to sleep. Which didn't happen. P.S never take Tylenol pm when your in labor it's just going to make you even more tired then you already are and even more pissed. It doesn't take away even a tiny bit of the pain. The only time I got even a little bit of relief was when I was in the bath tub. I took millions of baths. I highly recommend taking baths while in labor. I promise it helps.
I told myself that I wasn't going back to the hospital until I was in so much pain I wanted to cut Jordon's head off. And I didn't we stayed home that whole day and night. We were in bed the entire time. It hurt a million times worse to lay down while I was having a contraction so I had to sit up every time I had one and Jordon had to help me. Every contraction seemed like it was worse then the last one. I wanted to stay sitting up but I was just to exhausted and would just flop back down as soon as one was over. That was the longest night of my life. It felt like it was never going to end. I kept getting in the bath tub and staying in there until there was no more hot water. Then I would go get back in bed wait an hour and get back in to the bath tub. I peed about a bazillion and 1 times. I didn't know labor makes you pee constantly. Or was it just me? Around 6 a.m the contractions were starting to become unbearable. Jordon kept saying lets just go to the hospital lets just go. I would yell at him and tell him no cause if I got sent home again I would bite someones head off. I finally gave in around 11 am and we headed for the hospital. I wasn't about to get dressed up to go so I went wearing sponge bob boxer shorts, long striped socks, slip on shoes and a baggy t-shirt with a big pink robe on. I couldn't have gotten ready even if I wanted to.
I couldn't walk so they grabbed me a wheel chair and brought me straight to labor and delivery. The first thing they asked was if I wanted an epidural and my sister told them yes for me. They said they needed to get an I.V started and then they could notify the anesthesiologist. They checked me and I was at a 6. They asked me when my water broke and I didn't even know my water broke. I think it was probably one of the times I got up to go to the bathroom but I started having a contraction and had to lean against the wall and I thought I peed myself.. But I will just say that was when my water broke. They started the I.V and checked me again and I was an 8. They told me it was to late for and epidural but I could get a spinal. So I told them yes please, and hurry. They called my Doctor and the anesthesiologist and then came back to check me and I was at a 10. I went from a 6 to a 10 within an hour, and I hated life. I honestly don't remember much when we finally got to the hospital. They finally gave me the spinal and I was the happiest women in the world. Jordon had to leave the room while I got it of course. I felt so amazing. I had to wait to push cause my Doctor wasn't there yet. So I got to take a break for a little while we waited. I remember joking around and just being so happy after I got the medicine. It was awesome. My sister kept playing with my leg and asking if I could feel it and we would just laugh so hard.
Jordon called everyone and let them know it was time. Unfortunately that day Kolten went snowboarding and got a concussion so Jordon's mom had to go to the hospital in Salt Lake to get him so she couldn't be there right away.
I finally started pushing around 12:30 and had her at 1:52 pm on November 24th, 2007.
Giving birth to a baby is the most amazing experience you will every have. My spinal wore off a little after I started pushing so that kind of sucked. I really don't remember much. I wish I would have written everything down right after but I never did. While I was still pushing my Doctor got up and said he would be back because he said he had to go fill out some paper work. I was like, is he being serious? I just kind of laughed and was like ok see ya in a bit? He came back towards the end. I remember when I was pushing I kept telling them to just hurry and pull her out. My sister Kelma was an amazing coach she helped me so much. Poor Jordon started getting dizzy half way through and had to sit down for a bit. When her head came out they told me to look down and my sister tells me that I said that looked freaky. I don't remember saying that but she swears I did. When she started coming out Jordon started bawling. It was such an amazing moment I wish I could remember it better. Poor little Ellie had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck twice but everything was alright.

I could not believe that I just had a baby! She was perfect, and I know every mommy says that but she really was. Her head wasn't shaped all crazy and she didn't have any guish marks. She was beautiful. She weighed 6lbs 9oz. While the Doctor started sewing me up I kept yelling at him, I swear that was more painful then actually pushing her out. My sister kept telling me to just look at my baby. That doesn't take the pain away I'm sorry.

Everyone that was there came in for a little after they were done fixing me up. Then they made me move to another room. Who in there right mind thought it would be a nice thing to do to make you walk to your next room right after you have a baby? When I stood up they forgot to put anything on underneath my gown and blood gushed out everywhere. I was like uh.. is this normal? They put those awesome hospital under wears on and helped me walk to my next room. I just remember being so weak. But I couldn't sleep cause I wanted to see Ellie. I couldn't even lift up my arms to hold her so they would just lay her on my chest. I remember the nurses kept coming in to change my sheets cause blood kept soaking through. Everyone kept telling me I was so pale. One of the nurses came in to make me go to the bathroom. She was helping me walk to the bathroom and last thing I remember was kneeling down on the floor looking up at Jordon and the nurse trying to hold me up. The nurse told Jordon to get another nurse and she finally got me to the toilet and I passed out again. I woke up and the other nurse was getting ready to give me a shot. I didn't even know what was going on but I saw the needle and tried to tell her to stop. I didn't want a shot. But she hurried and gave it to me in the upper thigh and I don't even remember it hurting but I remember whimpering and saying ow! They started helping me walk back to my bed and I passed out again. They called my Doctor and took some blood tests and said my blood count was really low, but they were going to see if the shot helped the bleeding stop. The next day they took another blood test and my blood count dropped more so they took me to get an ultrasound to figure out where I was loosing blood. Everything turned out to be fine. I had to get a blood transfusion though. I was poked about a million times my hands were all bruised from the I.Vs and my arms were so soar from all the blood draws. I had to take three blood tests a day and stay on an I.V. I was in the hospital for five days. I basically knew all the people that worked in the lab. A different person came in every time I had my blood drawn. One lady came in and I could just tell she was having a bad day and I knew this one was gonna hurt. And it did. That was the only time I started crying when they drew my blood. When I finally started getting my energy back Jordon was sleeping and it was just me and Ellie. We just laid in the bed together snuggling. I couldn't have been happier. I swear when she was born she never slept. She was always awake. Checking everything out. She had the biggest most beautiful eyes. I couldn't believe she came out of me. Everything me and Jordon went through was so worth it to have her with us.

 I wouldn't have changed a thing. I would do it all again if I had to. Ellie changed our lives for the better. She helped us grow up and become better people. I love her more than I could ever describe. I thank God every day that he blessed me to be her mommy. Jordon is the most amazing daddy. Ellie can never get enough of him.
When I think about having another baby I just feel like there is absolutely no way I could love another one as much as I love Ellie. She really is my everything.

I love your stinkin guts Ellie Ruth!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Live in the Present

Lately I have been dwelling on the past.
Things that should not be important to me, and things I just need to shrug off and move on.
Jordon, Ellie and I were on a drive and I was discussing some of the things that I have been thinking about. I began to cry, and my stinkin cute baby girl says, "Mommy please don't cry! I just want you to be happy Mommy!"  She kept repeating that until we got home. When she got out of the car she came up to me and hugged me and said, "I love you so much, please be happy!"
How could you not be happy after that?!
If there was one thing that I was absolutely sure about, it would be Ellie.
She is my world. Heavenly Father sent her to me for a reason. 
She has been nothing but a blessing to me.
She helps remind me that she is my life now.
I pray that there is never a day where she feels unloved.
Jordon also. I love them both more than I could ever describe.
They both have helped me get through a lot of things. I am who I am today because of them.
They help me push forward and not worry about the past.
They are my family and I couldn't be more grateful to have them in my life.
I am so excited for all the new adventures to come.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Self Mutilation

So apparently my mom thought it would be a good idea to recommend this fruit and veggies detox diet to me. You go three days only eating raw fruits and veggies. I thought to myself, I could do that! I love fruits and veggies and its only three days. Maybe it will give me more energy. So after going grocery shopping for the food I begin this diet the next day. I begin my day with an apple and a banana. For lunch I have some carrot sticks, broccoli, mushrooms and cucumber. For some snacks I have some clementines and another banana.
Did you know that it doesn't matter how much fruit or veggies you eat you will NEVER feel full.

Dinner time rolls around, and with my mouth completely full of a cheeseburger I tell Jordon, "I hate myself."
He just laughs and tells me, "I knew you couldn't do it."


I love going over to my in-laws orchard. It is so fun to go see all the animals and play. It's so pretty in the spring time.

I love Ellie's cheesers in this picture.
This is Xavier. He is our Male Pygmy goat. He is a little special.
This cow will soon be in the freezer.. Ya know it does make it a little harder to eat the meat when you know where it came from. But I eat it anyways..
Today we got two new additions to the orchard. These are Gertie's new baby girls!
Darla and Lyla. They are soo cute! I was really hoping to be there when Gertie had them. But of course I missed it!

This is Grandpa Doug's dog Buster.
Cache's dog Flint
Ellie trying to pose by the tree.
(If you would just love to have one of these goats we will be selling all of our goats this summer! Since we will be moving and they will need to find new homes.. I'm going to be so sad!)
When we do move away I think the orchard is going to be one of the things I miss the most!
Today Doug told me he didn't know I was such a farm girl! I said I didn't know I was either!
Growing up I always wanted to live in an apartment in the city.
But now I refuse to live in the city! Someday Jordon and I hope to have a lil' farm of our own.
It's funny how much you can change.